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Care at home: I can not do more!

Who looks after and cares for people at home

Photo: Kuzma / iStock
  1. When the care of relatives becomes too much
  2. Study: Care can make you aggressive
  3. What helps to cope better with home care?
  4. Since January 1, 2015, thanks to the care reform, there are better benefits for caregivers and their relatives.

, must do tremendous. Here a daughter tells how she - despite all the love for her father - reaches its limits.

"Sometimes I look at photo albums, with pictures from my childhood, how I walk as a little girl in the hand of my father in the Baltic Sea, how he carries me in his arms asleep from the car in the holiday pension, in which we always made family vacation And how my parents proudly hold me by the hand on my first day at school, I was so terribly upset at the time, I remember that, which I remember well: Daddy consoled me, he was always there, even later or I did not know what to do, lost heart.

Today I hope every day that the photos help me to never forget that. If he rings me out of bed for the tenth time in the night, because he just wants to know what time it is. When the spit out of his mouth has soaked his shirt. If I have to change his diaper for the second time in half an hour. If he hits me because he does not recognize me. If I pinch him, hit him, want to hurt him with anger and exhaustion. If I can not do it anymore.

If the care of relatives is too much

First a stroke, then another. And in between, even dementia crept on. It was never a question for me that my husband and I would bring my 71-year-old father from the upper apartment, where he had always lived with my mother, to us. We could not pay for professional care either. My mother nursed her mother-in-law until death, my father then my mother. Never in the home, she had always said. Not at home, my dad said someday.

For half a year he is now in the former room of our daughter, who lives with her boyfriend in another city. Since he is laughing and drooling, his right side can barely move. Since he needs diapers and someone who feeds him. That would be tolerable, maybe. Because he's just my dad, because I could talk to him too, laugh with him.

Dementia, however, is a devil. She takes familiarity from me, every day a little bit more. Often he no longer recognizes me, looks at me hostile, hits me with his weak hand. Makes every damned move even harder. Dad, leave that alone, I say. And at some point I get angry.

Recently, for example: It was the middle of the night, actually I just wanted to sleep, sleep, sleep. And dad rang again and again. So I grabbed him so hard that he whimpered and had bruises the next day. I'm so sorry, dad, I said, cried and stroked his hand. But then it happened again. When he just dropped his food out of his mouth, on the freshly made bedding. I yelled at him and puffed him on the arm. Then I ran out of the room, leaving him in his filth. He rang and called as well as he could. I sat behind the door with tears on my face. I wanted to punish him and hated myself for it at the same time.

He is your father, says my husband, pull yourself together. But he can get up in the morning and go to work, out of the house, away from everything. I'm alone, can not even get out when my daughter is not visiting, or the nurse who comes for an hour a day. But yes, he is my dad. Who was always nice to me. Who can not help it and certainly never wanted to become what he is now.

Seven years, the statistics say, it takes a dying man to die. My first thought when I heard that: I can not stand that long. My second: What kind of ungrateful daughter are you, do not begrudge your father his little bit of life. I do not really want him dead. I just want it to stop. At some point, the photos will only be nice memories. And not just a cure for anger. "

Study: Care can make you aggressive

  • In Germany, about 2.5 million people are in need of care. Two-thirds are looked after by relatives at home, mostly women.
  • 17% of caregivers suffer from depression.
  • In a recent study, one third of respondents with care experience said they had behaved inappropriately: 79% of them cursed / insulted the caregiver, and 6% became physically aggressive.

What helps to cope better with home care?

Graduate psychologist Doris Wolf says what caring relatives can help (more tips from her at: ):

  • Inform yourself about offers of help: You can get advice for z. B. over barrier-free living, nursing aids, home emergency call service, day care, nursing services, short-term care, care allowance.
  • Leave care to care- giving : To strengthen the self-confidence of the loved one, make him feel that he is still something to be useful and needed. It is a relief for you.
  • Involve Others: Even if your relative can not be alone, you have the right to freedom. Look for people who can relieve you. Also siblings and other family members are responsible, not only you alone.
  • Self-help groups: Knowing that others are alike relieved. In addition, you can get practical tips in a group. You can also exchange ideas in a forum and thus receive useful help and emotional and moral support.
  • Keep hobbies: Go on to gymnastics or to the cinema, otherwise you can easily burn out. Being together with others carefree strengthens your inner balance.

Since 1 January 2015, thanks to the care reform, there are better benefits for people in need of care and their relatives.

The nursing reform, which has been in force since the beginning of the year, is still poorly understood. One third of Germans do not know them. That resulted in a DAK survey. Here are the most important changes:

  • More money for benefits: For home care, there are now more money. So z. For example, if the care allowance in step I (without dementia) increased from € 235 to € 244, the amount for long-term care benefits increased from € 450 to € 468. An overview of all new services at
  • More rights for people with dementia: Dementia patients in care level 0 are now also entitled to day / night care and short-term care.
  • Paid leave: Professionals who have to organize the care of a loved one in the short term (eg after a stroke) will receive a wage replacement for up to ten days off from work - comparable to the children's sick pay.
  • Higher subsidies for renovations: Conversion measures that help people in need of care stay in their homes are now being subsidized with up to 4, 000 euros (previously 2, 557 euros).

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