Recommended, 2022

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Just say "no" More time for the important things in life

Everyone knows it: "Yes" said, but thought "no". Without shame saying "no" is difficult for many people. For less stress in everyday life and the really important things in life, but that is often very important.

Photo: iStock // tomazl
  1. 6 situations in which a "no" is difficult to get over the lips
  2. 5 tips that make it easier to say "no"
  3. See through strategies safely

There are four letters that form the word "no". Exactly two more than the counterpart. Nevertheless, it is much harder for most people to say "no" than to say "yes" - in everyday life, work and private life. Behind this is in many cases the fear of being a bad person or being labeled as an egoist. That is why we reject our own needs and put the interests of another person in the foreground. This is not good in the long run, because it not only makes us unhappy and causes us stress, but also robs us of the time for the things that we would rather do instead in our free time. Therefore, it is important to learn without being able to say "no" to a bad conscience.

6 situations in which a "no" is difficult to get over the lips

  1. Someone asks you again and again and very persistently for a favor.
  2. You should spontaneously take over an unpleasant job for someone you actually do not feel like doing at all.
  3. Once again a person asks you to borrow their money and you know from experience that you often do not get it back from her.
  4. A salesman presses you with an alleged super-blunder offer that there is only today.
  5. Your children ask for the umpteenth time a money laundering.
  6. A family dinner is on and you have no desire to go because you know that it will end up only in a fight anyway.

The central question is how do you manage to say "no" confidently and definitely in such situations, freeing up more time for other activities that are important to you. Maybe this will help you ...

5 tips that make it easier to say "no"

1. Take time for your decisions

Often we rush to say "yes" to something we do not really want, because at the moment we feel taken by surprise and do not take the time to listen in on ourselves. The result: In the end, you have to do something that may cost you a lot of time and may not even be fun for you. That's why it makes perfect sense to spend time making decisions and telling the communication partner that you want to think about it for a few minutes. In your decision-making, you can ask yourself the following questions:

  • How much time, strength, lust and energy do I have to face the task myself?
  • What must suffer or even resign if I comply with the request?
  • Do I just want to do this man a favor?

2. Why is it difficult for you to say "no"?

The reasons why it is hard to say "no" are truly diverse. Who knows what it is about, can handle it better in appropriate situations and react more thoughtfully.

1. The concern refused or no longer liked.

Both in the circle of friends, family and friends as well as in the job, most people worry very much about being liked. If we reject a request, we fear as a consequence that sympathies are dwindling. But let's face it: on a person who withdraws because of a "No" his attention, we can really do without it anyway, right? Besides, it's hardly possible to be liked by all people anyway - even if you try to do it all the time, you probably will not reach it. You are not guilty of people to whom you have no respectable relationship.

2. The fear of negative consequences

This fear is justified, because most people do not react to it with a friend, if they refuse their request. And of course, it can of course come to conflicts. Especially in professional life, there is a concern that you might lose your job or get negative feedback. Certainly there are some situations - especially in the job - in which it is wiser to say "yes". That should always be weighed exactly. Generally speaking, whoever does everything for others out of fear of a conflict sooner or later loses his independence and becomes a puppet for other people.

3. You do not want to be called an egoist

Just the fact that you are worried about it shows that you are not an egoist. A true egoist would not waste any thought on how his actions affect others. However, the ego charge is very effective in getting other people to comply with their own request. You should not allow this nasty manipulation attempt, because after all, you yourself know best what and how much you do for other people and that you are not "heartless".

4. The feeling of being needed

The feeling that others need their own help and support is for many a positive affirmation in everyday life - comparable to a praise. Of course it is a nice feeling to be there for others and to help them. This should not develop any helper syndrome in which all the confirmation is drawn from doing others a favor. In the end you only harm yourself, because your own interests are far too short and the danger of burning out is not too far away.

5. The worry, probably something to miss

In the big wide world, there is so much happening every day, and you could constantly frolic around somewhere. The cool celebration in the evening is followed by another casual event the next day, followed by another meeting in the new, trendy café around the corner. Not to think that you could miss something and at the end of the day can not have a say. That is the only reason why we tend to take on some task or favor in order to be in the midst of it. Very important: Learn to set priorities and ask yourself where you really like to go and where you might just appear from a sense of duty. You will see that it does not matter if you do not dance at any party and even decline an invitation friendly. Thereby you create free spaces, which you can use individually for you - and only as you like it!

See through strategies safely

Of course, the person who comes to you with a request to reach you necessarily want that you really come after this. There are of course many strategies that are used to achieve the goal. These include:

  • print
  • blackmail
  • Create feelings of guilt
  • surprise attack
  • Schleimereien
  • pity number

Who in the appropriate situations pays attention, with which of these strategies the person approaches with the request, can sometimes quickly expose them and take the wind out of the sails with a few appropriate words.