More and more children grow up in step-families. It takes skill until everyone gets along well.
Photo: Michaela Steininger, fotolia
There are around 10 million patchwork families in Germany today. Since stepchildren have to get used to stepparents and step-siblings get along with half siblings. Not just the whole thing, but doable.
It needs time
A marriage has failed. And then the divorced woman fell in love with a new man and wants to build a new family. But as long as the desire is one after another, the new couple - let's call it Sabine and George - must be patient.
Reason: The children did not choose the new daddy. They do not want a new family. They want to have their old family back. Therefore, all experts advise: Sabine and Georg have to adjust to some conflicts. There will be musty faces, maybe even open rejection. Defiance and bad mood must be miteingeplant and small impudences from time to time to be overlooked. Whoever is so tolerant has taken the first step.
The second conflict: not every ex-partner is happy about the new luck. Sabine's ex-husband Arne, for example, does not like his kids living with Georg. Such disputes should now be resolved at the latest. Experts say: parents should not bring children into loyalty conflicts. Of course they love their birth father. But they must also be allowed to have their new stepfather without getting out of trouble. Arne and Georg should sit down and discuss together what is best for the children.
Together, the men and Sabine decided the following: The old family home is abandoned. The new patchwork family is moving. A good decision, say experts. In the old house all the territories are already firmly distributed. Georg would have felt like an intruder sitting in a made nest. It is therefore usually better to make a fresh start, even if a move costs effort and money.
The new patchwork budget has some rules that must be followed. And, of course, Georg sometimes gets the children right, even though they are not his own. That's fine, that's how it should be. But when it comes to far-reaching decisions, such as the choice of school or the use of savings, then George is holding back. These decisions must be made by her biological parents - Sabine and Arne.
It's not easy to live in a patchwork family, but it does have benefits. Suddenly the family circle is huge. And when all grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins meet at Christmas or on birthdays, the real event character! Especially the kids will love it.
