- Neither time nor energy
- We get used to the new luck too fast
- The money is getting short
- Too much work
- In the worst case, only debts remain
- Afterwards the property narrows
How the dream of a home becomes a nightmare for the relationship
Liebesaus in the dream house: owning a house is a big dream for many people. But the construction of the property can be a test of the relationship. The six biggest sources of danger.
Having your own flat or house is a desirable goal for many people. It promises happiness, security and stability. Unfortunately, the purchase of a property and the construction of a home often burden a desired or existing partnership. Why?
Single consultant Christian Thiel reveals which seven factors make house building a stress test for the relationship.
Factor | 1
Neither time nor energy
As a consultant, I often see couples who have gone through the strenuous adventure of building a house - and are unhappy. In the time of the house construction the attention to the other one is drastically curtailed. There is no time for each other - and no energy. The partner is neglected, there are hardly any personal conversations and also the sexuality becomes much rarer. Time is now needed for other things. In addition, you are often too exhausted for sex now - with all the stress ! And for what, the couple thinks - we love each other! A momentous aberration. At heart, love consists of being together for a while. If that does not happen, love suffers.
Factor | 2
We get used to the new luck too fast
Often couples in their desire to build a house, social ideas. Building a house is just part of it. Everyone does it. And supposedly it makes everyone happy. That's why a couple expects miracles from the move to the new home. But what happens? Nothing. Or the mood is lifted only for a short time and then as before. It's true that real estate does work and costs time and money - but it does not make you happy forever. At any rate, this is the result of research on this topic. We quickly get used to the advantages of the new residential area. That's what science calls "hedonistic adaptation". This phenomenon blurs the happiness of a new house as fast as the joy of winning a million in the lottery or raising a salary . We get used to what we have right away.
Factor | 3
The money is getting short
Building a house almost always leads to a shortage of money. Although it is planned and calculated in advance, in the end any unforeseen event usually throws the plan over the pile. There are additional costs. Suddenly you have to save money. The long-needed recreational vacation falls victim to the austerity measures, as well as the much-desired new kitchen. Whatever the case may be, what the austerity measures require - financial problems put additional pressure on couples. So a property can frustrate a couple very much.
Factor | 4
Too much work
One of the most common practical consequences of a property is: more work. Of course this also applies to the house itself. A house of its own always does more work than a rented one. But that's not all alone. In order to facilitate the repayment of the loan, couples often have to work more after the purchase than before. Often men increase their employment at work or take on a job that promises more income with significantly longer working hours. Or both partners increase their burden. An additional burden in the professional field can burden the partnership beyond the limit of bearable. The time for the partner is too short. The time for personal as well. The well-known consequence is: dissatisfaction .
Factor | 5
In the worst case, only debts remain
Who builds a house, who thinks that he remains happily a couple until the end of life. Unfortunately, couples' hope for eternal happiness is in many cases an illusion. Half of all marriages will be divorced at some point. If a couple has a property, then a separation is much more difficult and emotionally stressful. The money is short after the divorce . Who gets the house? Can one alone pay for it? Does the house need to be sold? Often the former partners have to sell a property for significantly less than it once tasted. And so debt remains, which must be borne by both partners.
Factor | 6
Afterwards the property narrows
Unfortunately, if the relationship has not survived house building but you have kept the house yourself, the problems are still not over. Because who is single and thus looking for a partner should be flexible. But a property is immobile. She is like a block on her leg when looking for a partner . A property narrows the search radius and thus significantly reduces the candidates for a partnership. It can get even worse: If the future partner or the future partner also move into the made nest, the problems in the search are even greater. Hardly anyone wants that. And so the circle of eligible partners narrows again drastically. The result: the search takes much longer. Or ends unsuccessfully .
So that it does not come to that: Eternal love happiness? So do you!
Author of this text is single consultant Christian Thiel. He studied philosophy and German language and literature and worked for many years at the Institute for Depth Psychological Individual Psychology . For fifteen years he has been advising singles and couples in his own practice. The Single Advisor's Current Book: Why Women Always Want Sex And Men Always Have Headaches - The Most Popular Errors About Relationships and Love - ISBN: 978-3-517-08949-2