Recommended, 2019

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True and false friends: What makes friendship?

Are these true friends? Or is one of them maybe wrong ...?
Photo: savageultralight
content
  1. We explored the question of what true friends are
  2. Why are friendships so important to life?
  3. How do I recognize a true friend?
  4. What deadly sins of friendship exist?
  5. Am I a good friend?
  6. When is it time to go?
  7. Money and friendship - can that be good?
  8. How much commitment does friendship stand for?
  9. Are women the better friends?

We explored the question of what true friends are

In numerous studies, scientists are investigating why friends make us strong. And explore the basis of this special relationship.

Why are friendships so important to life?

"Loneliness is a core problem of our lives and we need friends to deal with them - a social village in which we feel safe, " says Berlin psychotherapist Wolfgang Krüger, author of the book How to Win Friends. Family or partners often do not suffice as a bulwark against loneliness. Because there are obligations or financial alliances. But friends strengthen us without reservation. In her presence, problems seem smaller: the slope of a mountain seems less to us when a friend stands beside us.

How do I recognize a true friend?

A true friend we can call in the middle of the night in need. She honestly wants to hear how we are doing and not only reports to her own problems. In front of others she does not lose a bad word about us. We can keep silence with her, but we can also talk about things that embarrass us or make us afraid. The aspects of give and take balance each other in good friendships . However, if the relationship is unbalanced over a longer period of time, one will feel exploited and it will be a crisis, warns psychologist Horst Heidbrink from the Fernuniversität Hagen.

What deadly sins of friendship exist?

Hardly a relationship keeps it, if someone constantly refuses appointments or blasphemes behind the back and gossip. This shatters trust, a cornerstone of friendship . Also features such as stubbornness can burden a friendship in everyday life. Unreliability, misuse of trust and disharmony in everyday life - these three deadly sins are guaranteed to lead to a friendship, according to author Wolfgang Krüger.

Am I a good friend?

The one who bypasses the three deadly sins is on the right track. A diplomatic culture of debate can also help resolve conflicts . Wolfgang Krüger: "I treat problems with a friend in conversation like a double whopper: first I say that my friend means a lot to me, then I describe the situation in my view and ask how he would feel in my place Problem is contained, we come into the conversation. "

When is it time to go?

Most friendships die a silent death, they sneak away when common interests are lacking. But there are also friendships in which we consciously want to draw a line, for example because the girlfriend always talks bad things or keeps monologues, without paying attention to our feelings. "Separating yourself is completely alright, " says Werner Küstenmacher, theologian and author of the book "Simplify Your Life." He advises a farewell conversation in which one explains his reasons. That's not easy, but fair.

Money and friendship - can that be good?

Friendship is a matter of the heart, money is one of the mind - in friendships an often sinister constellation: money radicalized by dependency on the relationship. "If somebody owes me something, I might take this as an argument against him in the dispute and thereby mix up two conflicts, " explains Wolfgang Krüger. Of course, there are emergency situations such as serious illnesses, in which one should lend money, so that the friendship does not break with lack of help. "With sums over 1000 euros, however, I would always set up a contract, so that clarity is created, " said Krüger.

How much commitment does friendship stand for?

Friendship lives by the voluntary nature of the relationship. However, sociologists have found that friends increasingly take responsibility for each other and feel highly committed to each other. "This is a relatively new phenomenon, " says Janosch Schobin, a sociologist at the University of Hamburg. Therefore, Schobin certainly sees the fact that friends come together in a retirement home for the elderly as a model for the future. But there is a catch: "Most people would take care of a friend - but, conversely, they would not use his help - they fear that they will not be able to give anything back as a care case - and that does not go well with the idea of ​​having a self-determined, to be a full-fledged person who you want to be in the eyes of friends.

Are women the better friends?

At least women are friendships: two-thirds of women claim to have good friends, men only one-third. In addition, women live on average six years longer than men. If you do not want to be lonely in your old age, you need a good social network.

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