Mama blogger Anja explains why she does not like being able to always make the decisions for her entire family.
Photo: iStock
- I already have enough responsibility to carry!
- Why do I have to decide everything?
- My family is very comfortable
- Children have to take responsibility
I already have enough responsibility to carry!
Do you know what really upset me? If, like now, I have the impression of being surrounded by people who can not admit mistakes. Who see themselves as perfect or prefer to hide behind others instead of simply taking responsibility for their own lives. Sure, it's also much easier to blame other people.
And worst of all, I think that's what makes my own family. Why? Because it makes me helpless. And also angry. After all, I have enough responsibilities and decisions to make in my own life. Why do my loved ones expect me to decide for them?
Why do I have to decide everything?
Sure, some things have to be natural. My girls just can not judge certain things so well to make a clear decision. This includes, for example, the bedtime. And when I read articles about the fact that there are parents who do not give their children any structures, I honestly have to shake my head about that.
But on the other hand, there are of course things that my children can decide on their own and, yes, can also answer for. For example what they wear or what they want to eat. And that's just as well. Because only then can they learn what it means to actually make mistakes. Or to see the consequences of their decisions.
My family is very comfortable
Unfortunately, the two tend to be quite comfortable and make the decision to others. To me, for example. After all, Mama can simply tell her what to do. So they do not have to worry and do not have the blame afterwards if it's wrong or goes wrong.
That's why I try to teach my girls how they actually take responsibility for themselves and their actions. By not taking everything from them, for example. If my daughter forgets the key for her school locker on the bus, she may also find a way for her to get it back. Not me, not her father, but her alone.
Children have to take responsibility
Of course that does not mean that I leave her completely alone. But at least I give them the opportunity to find a solution themselves. And to try out, if it works. I can accompany and also support you. But the initiative should come from her.
Because it does not help the two people to hide behind excuses and digressions, so they do not have to admit mistakes. On the contrary, only when they take responsibility for themselves and their decisions, they will later have the chance to determine their own lives. And that's one of the most valuable things I can give them.
Self-determined is better than perfect.
Your Anja
PS: How much responsibility do your children already take on themselves? And how do you help them? If you want, then tell me in my Mumafreude Facebook group. There we are already a great community of mothers who just want to exchange openly and honestly for their family life. Do not hesitate to come! I'd be pleased!
About Anja:
Anja Riemer-Grobe is a consistently loving girl mum, parental companion and advocate of an appreciative coexistence. She writes on her blog at www.anja-riemer.de about family, relationship and attachment and helps other parents to help themselves by developing their very own family living space . Without pressure and stress from the outside, but with much love and appreciation based on real relationships.
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