Photo: Max Wanger / Corbis
In love, trusted, engaged!
Engagement - that looks as dusty as the books in the top shelf corner. No one is engaged anymore, right? But then you discover in the circle of acquaintances: Half of the couples are ... engaged! And anyone who talks about it has that sparkle in their eyes that no brilliant can beat. So what's wrong with the engagement ?
In response to inquiries from jewelers such as Wempe, Tiffany and Cartier, it has been confirmed that significantly more engagement rings have been sold for several months now. Nobody wants to call absolute numbers, but the exultation of the interviewees says it all: The engagement celebrates the comeback of the year.
Maybe it is the longing for something constant, to confess to the partner. At a time when neither a job nor a place to live is permanent, throwing anchor for life. And fire a flare for your loved one, who says: Hey, I'm not looking for the next, I've chosen you. Because I want to be happy with you! It is just this little bit more than just being together. After all, that's what every teen couple can do after asking "Do you want to go with me?",
Being engaged means: Yes, we want to marry. Whether you seal it with a ring from the gumball machine, choose the kitschy diamond-in-the-champagne glass number or the mutual vows of a promise just after a nice day in the subway, it does not matter. This makes the engagement a kind of anarcho-connection that is not bound to any form, except the mutual expression of will. For whom you need neither a pastor, civil servant, nor public - but only the certainty: This is the man / woman of my life.
"The nice thing about the engagement is to be both in one: free and bound at the same time, " says psychologist Elisabeth Raffauf. This limbo can be quite happy. Because the big day is still ahead of you. You can look forward to it, look forward to it. Sleep well with a delighted grin for nights on end and imagine what dress you want to wear: one with a train? Long veil or rather without? Simple or rude? A thousand times you will play through, as you stand in front of the registrar and / or the altar and the right "Yes, I want" stressed. A better movie for the head cinema does not exist. And: You can insert it again and again, if you need a lucky kick. Cool is also: It is a joint project, the project where you can work with the partner many evenings - which increases the anticipation and the feeling of connectedness even more.
Some couples even see the engagement as a "little wedding". They celebrate with friends, proudly wear their ring and travel afterwards - just like a wedding. But just without this feeling of having already landed in the "dead end" marriage. Maybe that's another attraction: not being as sure about the other person as in marriage. And because of this - consciously or unconsciously - even more to strive for him. And of course this is paradoxical: is the engagement the mutual marriage promise, the way there - even if one or the other couple wants to enjoy this phase as long as possible.
However, such a suspension phase can also become a hangover: "The anticipation is not an enduring feeling, which can quickly topple off again if the engagement is prolonged, " says Raffauf. Sure, there are good reasons to postpone the wedding: Because the desired location is not free, the wedding dress is not available or due to illness.
But also because you may not be so sure anymore. Earlier, the fiancee had to pay his ex the so-called "wreath money" if he promised her marriage, took her innocence - and then left her alone. The corresponding paragraph was removed from the Civil Code in 1998, but there are a few legal implications (see gallery) that fiancés should know - and for which it is worth taking a quick look at the pink glasses.
