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- Why no-saying has much to do with willpower
- 1. Be embarrassed
- 2. want to say no
- 3. Strain relationships
- 4. Everyone deserves another no
- 5. Know goals, make decisions
Why no-saying has much to do with willpower
You never say no? Not anymore! How to manage to give strangers, friends or colleagues a basket without being a scratching brush or a bitch.
Saying no, it often feels like you jerk off a stuck plaster from your arm - you know you have to go through it, but it's not beautiful. What is really nice about it: the feeling afterwards. Whoever forbids the troubled girlfriend to lament, abandons the lousy job, gives a basket to the unfeeling lover, often feels like after a successful adventure: proud and relieved. Why it is like that? No saying boosts self-confidence . Because it comes when you have an exact idea of what you want and what you do not want. Or it pops out because you have a strong sense of dislike, panic or fear - and that's what it stands for. The ability to "not with me" is a sign of adulthood, psychologists say.
No saying is good. Unfortunately, it is also difficult. But you can learn it.
Not by mechanically practicing it like a strange vocabulary that you use like a parrot everywhere meaningless. Rather, one should be clear: When and why do I want to say no ? And if you want it, you can do it too. Here are a few tricks and tools that pave the way to a better naysay.
1. Be embarrassed
"Leave me, really, no, " they roar, head open the passenger door headlong and run, leaving the perplexed lover in the car. Anyone who ends a relationship like this looks unsonvenient and ridiculous. So what? That's not the point about denial. The claim to make a good figure is far too high. Even more miserable is our 'no' when it comes to little things: you do not want to do the stupid work that your colleague constantly pushes you over? You do not want to grill at lame neighbors in the evening? - Especially when we want to end the little annoyances of others, we often sound strangely harsh and petty. Do not let that bother you: it has to be this way.
Whenever we work out a new skill, we start off targeting at first. It's like smokers quitting and transitioning militantly non-smokers. That we think we would remain forever verbished is groundless - the longer we practice, the more fluid we will succeed. But even if you always feel embarrassed, remember: through the bottleneck you have to go through. After that you feel better.
2. want to say no
When we talk about demarcating or enforcing, we often say, "I must finally learn to say no." This sentence is like a bad New Year's proposition, listless, resigned and reproachful. Many women do not have the problem that they do not know how to say no. More often than not, you think you can not say no. Or do not really know if you want to say yes or no in the case. Therefore, you should first get clarity. How it works? If you do not know how to make a decision, for example when it comes to a job offer or a holiday with friends, imagine how he would feel a month after the "no" or "yes". If, in the face of fear and embarrassment, something like relief and pride creeps from some corner of your heart, then you should dare.
3. Strain relationships
Good idea, you will say: If I do so, soon everyone will leave me, dismiss me and hate me. Whatever the cause of your anxiety, it's usually the fear of losing a relationship : the lover will leave me, the boss will quit, your girlfriend will never call you back. Imagine yourself being the person you want to say no to. Would one really take such a rude action as this person? Probably not. Another good news: Almost everyone has such fears. The closer a relationship is and the more one depends on it, the harder it is. In order to avoid unnecessarily jeopardizing the relationship, you should bear in mind ...
4. Everyone deserves another no
It circulates the funniest ideas, how important it is to give the boss the right opinion. Experts warn against such tests of courage. It's not appropriate to simply tell your boss, no, I do not want to do this project. From superiors one should delimitate factually. And clever. Less diplomacy, but more love can be with friends and lovers in the no. And even before that, you are a bit scared of it. If you really want to try a rude, caustic no to make yourself strong, maybe you should test it on the noisy neighbors. Or on real badies, where you can ever get a tooth.
5. Know goals, make decisions
Who does not know his goals, can not say no. That's the only way we can make decisions, just so we have the power for a hop or a top. If you do not know your own plans - then look. Many people say yes to a lot and do not really say anything. So, pull back briefly, think about where you want to go. With clear ideas in mind, you quickly realize what fits into the picture. And what not. And after the no, there is more space, space, clarity: a person leaves. A project falls away. A boring barbecue takes place without us . And out of this emptiness arises something new. Not so rare happens: Some time after the no, a new job, a new person, a new offer emerges that fits much better to one. Why it is like that? Maybe it's because you've gained more space and time to really see new opportunities that come along. And to take her.
