Photo: private
- Only the birth of her son saved the native of Munich from self-destruction
- "Vomiting is the annoying part"
- During pregnancy, she can control bulimia
Only the birth of her son saved the native of Munich from self-destruction
It girl Sara Schätzl was known for a fictional affair. What can not be seen on the asterisk photos of the red carpets: She suffered for years from bulimia. Only the pregnancy saved her.
Sara Schätzl has big blue eyes with which she looks so open that one does not want to believe how well this woman can lie. And yet the 26-year-old champion is in it, many years ago she has become known by a lie in the first place. After a fictitious affair with the German actor Bernd Herzsprung she became an it-girl - first in Munich, then in Germany, after her move to Los Angeles in the US.
Own performance: zero from the outside. Apart from the painting for the red carpet. Sara sold little by little her private life, stories of supposed affairs, notoriety made them money. But this glitter story is only half the story. In fact, Sara Schätzl has given her peace of mind for her prominence. Between all the parties and premieres, somewhere in the flash of lightning, she has lost herself. At first she spoke of depression, retreating from the limelight, wrote a first book about her life as a star. But now she unpacks completely and reveals what illness she has burdened since her early youth.
Eating, breaking, bulimia .
That is the truth that Sara has kept secret until today. And that truth began when she was just 14 years old. She wanted to become famous, but also popular, she wanted to be seen. And she is sure: That's only possible when I'm slim. But instead she took from the twelfth year neat to how it can go, as an unsure teenager who has no desire for sports and boarding gets only greasy food from the canteen. "During this time, I contracted so fast that my connective tissue ruptured and I got stretch marks on my thighs. One day that was too stupid for me. I decided to change something, "says Sara in her book" Hungry Heart . "
Photo: private
At first, the young girl only feeds on diet shakes. Quickly she takes off twelve kilos. But when a visit to the grandmother who prepares her hearty home cooking, that's no longer enough. When Sara feels the heavy meal in her stomach, she overcomes the desire to vomit for the first time. "In the basement of our house was a second toilet in which no one would hear me. So I slipped down, did not turn on the lights and felt like a criminal when I finally got into the bathroom. Immediately I leaned over the toilet bowl [...] "
"Vomiting is the annoying part"
Afterwards, Sara feels great relief and a strong triumph. She does not have to do without food completely. She can enjoy ice cream, chocolate, pizza and goulash - and then puke everything out, stay slim. That the vomiting is painful and disgusting? Given. Those who, like Sara, suffer from self-hatred can take away such aspects. " The surrender is, contrary to all prejudices, the annoying part. A necessary evil and no bulimicist enjoys it. The fear of the calories and the extreme feeling of fullness drive you very quickly to the toilet, "Sara tries to explain.
Eating, vomiting, dizziness, sleep exhausted from exhaustion. No friends, no hobbies. Instead, chat sessions with other bulimics and vitamin pills as a diet replacement.
The disease becomes the best friend of Sara, who is constantly overwhelmed by life. Her feelings are too much for her, the swirling thoughts are supposed to be silent, people only allow her to be very superficial.
Photo: Moritz Thau
Her first love becomes an intensifying catastrophe. The young man secretly finds her too fat and, with the help of a friend, tricked her into a devoted ex-girlfriend, who is much slimmer. "Competition stimulates the business, " he thinks, hoping to motivate Sara to lose weight. As the friend leaves the story, Sara does not break up. Instead, she agrees. In her book, she writes, "Honestly, he did not even have to apologize. It did not change anything: I had to get better, thinner and prettier if I wanted someone to love me. "
Where did those hard thoughts come from? In part, certainly by the example of Sara's mother, who profiled after the separation of Sara's father as a career woman with immaculate appearance. Always styled top, the heels always fit the lipstick. The outer beauty serves the mother as a shield against the world. One day she gets her daughter breaking, but she is unable to help her. When a therapist blames her for the condition of her daughter, she hastily leaves the practice. For a while she tries to help Sara with a healthy diet. But as the daughter moves to Munich, the contact is less and less. The subject of bulimia is hushed up, the mother has no idea how much the life of her daughter is now dominated by the disease.
Sara goes on and on, here the celebrity life, behind it the secret bulimia. " My bulimia and I were a good team. I can not say otherwise. We had a daily routine and our own rituals. Like a couple, only more peaceful. [...] She was my better half who gave me a break from all the chaos in my head in her own way whenever necessary. " Bulimia, she says in the interview, is like a wall between her and the world been. In front of the wall there was this fictional character of her, witty, quick-witted, always in a good mood and self-confident. Behind it, the real Sara hid with her eating disorder. " I had the feeling that this is my only refuge in life, where I can only be me - a very emotional, fragile being, constantly thinking too much about everything. "
Photo: Moritz Thau
Although Sara has some relationships, her illness always keeps her secret. The secrecy ensures that their relationships fail reliably. Your body is getting weaker over the years. She is constantly tired, her eyes are getting worse, her teeth are attacked by gastric acid, she often has palpitations. But even as she spits blood, she does not manage to break away from bulimia on her own.
During pregnancy, she can control bulimia
Only when she gets pregnant in 2011, she can finally control her addiction. "Since I learned that a lodger was on board, I had eaten only healthy and kept everything in it. [...] The thought that my child could not be healthy just because I was such a broken piece, made me panic again every minute. "Sara stops and in May 2012, her son Louis Tiger is born. He is a premature baby, but alive and well. "Like everything in my life, the birth of my son was a bit dramatic, surprising and bumpy - but good in the end. He was the prettiest little boy I've ever seen. And suddenly, I was no longer just me, but his mom. That changed everything. If my son could be so perfect, maybe I was not as broke as I thought. "
Post by Sara Schätzl.But the birth is followed by a great shock. The father of the child leaves the young family forever. Why? Sara tries to explain: "He just decided: he does not want me and he does not want this family. I always thought he wanted the same thing as me, such a small family idyll with a garden fence and a dog, but that was not so, he was not ready yet. "For Sara followed weeks of mourning. The bulimia overtakes her. Finally, she fled and moves with her son from Munich to Los Angeles, begins a new life. However, with the bulimia in the luggage. If her son is not with her, the single mother will again daily eat-break attacks.
Photo: private
Repeatedly, she ends up in the hospital, even breaking a rib during a fall when she faints. After all, the authorities threaten to deprive her of custody. It is the big turning point for Sara. She first starts an online treatment for bulimia, joins a therapy group later and writes down her story.
When I meet her in Hamburg in February 2015 for an interview she happily reports: "Today it is seven months that I have not surrendered anymore and one year I am in therapy. I am healthy on paper. But as an addict - and I see bulimia as an addiction - you must always be a bit cautious. "
Although she is still struggling with the physical consequences of her illness, her heart, for example, is not yet very resilient and the eyes had become so bad that she has lasered them for Christmas - yet Sara is optimistic: "Before my therapy and the There was not a day I loved my son's birth. In the meantime, I've found so much self-love that I can no longer imagine mistreating myself like this. I eat healthy and do sports. The cardiologist has just given me the go for tennis. "Her emotions are now packed into her work. After training at a renowned drama school, she works as an actress and organizes promotional trips for newcomers to Los Angeles.
Photo: Moritz Thau
With her book Sara wants to encourage other women. "I used to think that you have to live with the fact that you do not like yourself. Only after months in therapy did I think, maybe I have something to offer that you can save. That's why I want to convey to all the women out there who do not like themselves who always think "I would like someone else" to wake up in six months and think: Oh, I'll pass the way I am. I do what I can and that must be good enough. And who does not want that, I do not need that! I want everyone to know that this is possible. It does not matter what dress size I wear because I'm a nice person. I'm good with my friends and I care about my environment - and that's enough, that carries me through life, and makes me just the way I am. "
And what does such a certified woman still want from life? Sara is optimistic about this question: "If I had a big Top 3 wish list for 2015, it would be at the top: I want to fall in love! I've been alone for almost three years now and already lonely. I really would like to be in love and also married. I would love to have a second child, too. And I want to learn to bake! And dance, let's dance-like! I think that's the perfect sport to feel my body and dance back into life as a woman. "
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Bulimia: causes and consequences of eating-crushing addiction
