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In seven steps to the happy relationship

In order to be able to look to the future together, we must unite our wishes and ideas.
Photo: Oana Szekely / Corbis
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  1. Me, he ... WE!
  2. Find common humor
  3. Show real interest
  4. to make compromises
  5. To develop a passion
  6. Let him be a "partner"
  7. Treat him to his fun
  8. Appreciate moments without him

Me, he ... WE!

If you are in love, not only do two different people meet each other, but sometimes also completely different ideas. How to make two lives together in seven steps, without giving oneself up

To have someone at his side who thinks about everything just as we do is as unlikely as being struck by lightning twice in our lives: extreme. But it does not matter, you do not have to share every passion or do everything together.

But for a longer, lasting relationship - a life in twos - a common ground is already the most important requirement. Because we wake up from the tummy coma of the first weeks or months, we realize that there are (luckily) even more. Namely our own life. And also his. The art is to find the right "in between". So that we do not lose the ego somewhere on the way to the We. And still be a dedicated unit. Even if we've been with our sweetheart for a while, we always have to download a kind of love update and update that. With these seven steps to the happy relationship, we are well on our way to making the "two out of one" work:

Find common humor

Sometimes only one of his very specific looks is enough and we have to blast out loud - because we know exactly what he wants to say. It is a kind of secret language. This can include situational comedy, (embarrassing) nicknames, or fictitious code words. "Such secret codes strengthen the we-feeling, " says Nina Deißler, author of the book "Forever in love". "It creates a kind of 'third planet'." There are only two of us there - and enough room for love. By the way, laughing together is actually more important than constantly talking about everything. Because the hormone dopamine that we pour out, makes us radiate externally. This brings us mutual sympathy points and connects.

Show real interest

How did he grow up and what does he burn for? Before becoming a we, you have to know the Er-factor - that is, what makes it. Of course that takes some time. And just because his heart beats for haiku (Japanese poetry), we do not have to squat on the sofa next to him in a kimono. Being interested in one's partner does not mean that we have to go through everything that inspires him. It is more important to know what his heart is beating at all. "That creates a familiarity that makes you closer together, " says relationship coach Deißler.

to make compromises

Loving sometimes means being selfless - just to see it shine. Even if basketball has been of little interest to us so far, we should now cheer it on from the stands as well. After all, it will not be difficult anyway when he comes to the field - and we would like to burst with pride, right? "One should ask oneself in which areas one is prepared to meet the partner in order to give him a little pleasure, " advises Nina Deißler. Nevertheless, we should therefore no "I've just made for you" list. Because if you keep it for him later, that creates more distance.

To develop a passion

We have a lot of potential to broaden our horizons. We should gratefully accept this gift. "If you find a shared passion that you would never have discovered without the partner, it can be a sign that you have come a step further in the relationship, " says the expert. Even better: to seek something together that both have never done before. If we mingle with each other at the dart game or discover the fun of bouldering, real relationship rituals can emerge.

Let him be a "partner"

No, we do not have to tell our loved one everything. Not really. Because if we constantly relieve the stress of work or quarrels with our mother, the ego clearly demands too much from Him. After all, our lover can not be a consultant, buddy and family in one. "This is a far too great responsibility that even love can break, " warns Deißler.

Treat him to his fun

"In the phrase 'I love you' should be 'I'll treat you to your fun', " said the Relationship Coach . Anyone who has been acidified every Wednesday because he is going to the men's evening will permanently put his happy relationship to a harsh test. And above all, makes himself unhappy. According to a recent study, at least 42 percent regularly need time for themselves. If we give our loved one this freedom, one can enjoy the common time together much more consciously.

Appreciate moments without him

So you do not lose yourself between your sport and the new action strip that he likes, you should always ask yourself who you are and what makes you special. The best helpers for a stronger ego in the We are our friends. They notice when we change too much or totally give up. Therefore, we must not neglect friendships. Not knowing what's going on in the life of your best friend is only the first three weeks of the "I'm in love" phase in order. Okay, or four. For only a satisfied He and a self-confident ego can finally create a happy We .

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