Not perfect, but happy
These seven JOY readers have one thing in common: they are not perfect - but happy! They tell us how they managed not to break their weaknesses, but to transform them into strength.
"I used to fight for size 36 all the time - today I'm working as a model!"
Katharina (23), paralegal and plussize model
"Have you been in the gym today? What have you eaten today? What, chocolate again? "Katharina had to keep hearing questions like these from her former boyfriend.
"We came together when I was 16. He was bothered by my tummy, which I had gotten along with the luscious bust at puberty. He told me nonstop that I should lose weight. As a kid, I had always been slim, but at that point I weighed 70 kilos at 1.76 meters - and I suffered from it myself, putting myself under pressure. "
Katharina made ten kilos less through sports and diet, but then stagnated the weight loss. "My friend kept stressing me, 'You're just too lazy to fight for a beautiful figure, ' was his eternal reproach. That went on like that for three years and became more and more of a burden for me! "
"I also like the right man"
"Fortunately, I have very dear parents who always told me that I am wonderful the way I am. They managed to make it clear to me that my friend is crazy. Does not really love me, but only has an absurd ideal image of a woman in his head. One day - I had just gained another three kilos and he looked particularly stupid - I happened to be in underwear in front of the mirror. I looked at myself, turned around and thought, 'What is this? I'm beautiful! ' I was even beautiful at 70 pounds! "
Katharina decided to finally put an end to the torment and to stand by her character. From that day on, she ate what she tasted. She threw the friend out - and regained her zest for life! "It was the right decision. The moment I stopped constantly worrying about my flaws, they disappeared by themselves!
My colleague at the firm, where I work as a paralegal, does not care if I weigh ten kilos more or less, and so was the man from the modeling agency who approached me two years ago. Since then, I occasionally work as a Plussize model, doing fashion and lingerie shoots for catalogs!
And I still find the right man, of that I am firmly convinced. Although I always get to know a guy who has a problem with my character. But honestly, I do not need such idiots anymore! "
"He called me dwarf nose!"
Inna (29), graduate pedagogue
When she met her first boyfriend, Innas Leidensweg began: "At that time I was almost 18 and took the first who wanted me. From the beginning he called me 'Dwarf Nose' and made fun of my appearance. Soon I imagined that other people were also amused about my nose and my size, I'm only 1.54 m. My growing complexes made me hear ridicule everywhere. "Inna found herself getting uglier.
"At some point I did not go out anymore, shielded myself, just sat in front of the TV. At night I could not sleep, at school it went downhill. "At that time helped her the love of her parents and conversations with the best friend. "They urged me to shoot my friend in the wind. That was the decisive step. I was looking for a completely new environment, went to the pedagogy study from Duisburg to Mülheim, started again at zero - and realized that my supposed ugliness was above all a ghost in my head. "
Inna's tips for dark days: "Going out, talking to people, hearing other stories - that relativizes a lot!" One year ago, Inna met her dream man: "He is super-loving and finds my distinctive nose simply sexy!"
"My mother dumped all her frustration on me - and spoiled my sister"
Jana (29), photographer
Deported to the children's home - because the parents parted. Jana from Berlin experienced a difficult childhood. "I was the black sheep of the family. The marriage between my father and my mother was about to fail, and my mother projected all the anger she had on my father onto me.
My great step-sister, who was from her 'good', first husband, had no trouble. But I had to earn every extra by cleaning. At the same time, I was constantly listening to how stupid I was. I was shy, thin, found myself ugly and worthless. "
The quarrels at home got worse and worse until she could not stand it anymore. She was eleven then. Through the youth welfare office, she got a home place - the mother agreed.
"That was the low point, I felt rejected. But in the home I blossomed fast, found nice friends - and my passion: the photography! I started to take pictures of the girls and learned to see people with different eyes. Later, I got a job at a fashion magazine. I became strong and successful as I am today - and happy: Two years ago, I met my fiancé Marcin, with whom I live in Berlin. We will marry soon! And meanwhile I forgave my mother, we even meet every now and then! "
"I constantly ate everything inside me. Until I started to puke! "
Denise (26), company owner
It started at 15: the first diet. I felt chubby - completely idiotic, because I weighed only 53 kilos at 1.65 m! "For Denise, it was the first step in her disease: bulimia.
"Today I know that the main problem was that I could never say what really bothered me. I preferred to swallow my self-doubts because I wanted to please everyone - and because I did not want to burden my mom, a single parent with three children. She discussed all her problems with me - but I do not mean with her! So I started to puke rather than openly addressing things! "
The bulimia gradually determined Denise's life, she decreased dramatically, weighed at age 16, only 39 pounds. "No one noticed it at first, it was just a small seizure." Especially when Denise felt burdened, she vomited literally. "I felt so good after that, freed from all worries and problems. Later, vomiting became agony as the attacks got worse and worse. I was also aware of the danger of many women dying of bulimia! "
Denise dropped out of school because she could not concentrate anymore. "When I was 18, my mother realized what was wrong with me, and immediately sent me to the doctor!" He persuaded her to a therapy. It has been a long road with many relapses, but Denise has been seizure free for three years now.
"Most of all, it strengthened me that I could start my own business with my small promotion company. Through therapy I have finally learned to love and care for my body - and also to say no and express clearly what bothers me. Interestingly, I'm much better accepted than when I wanted to please everyone. Today I can say: I'm a completely happy person. "
"I always wanted to look healthy and tanned - and got cancer!"
Tanja (36), medical assistant
Fire brigade, pumpkin, copperhead - there is no stupid word for 'redheaded' that I did not have to listen to before. I hated my red hair and my white skin. "Tanja wanted to have a" healthy "complexion. "I used self-tanner, carotene, everything that existed. At the age of 16, I lay in the solarium four times a week, just so my white skin looked a bit tanned. "
In April 2008, she discovered a birthmark on her leg and went to the doctor. The shocking diagnosis: malignant melanoma, a malignant skin tumor. "One can assume that I was responsible for it by the many hours in the solarium. If the cancer had been discovered only two months later, I would be dead now! "
The tumor from the leg was removed, later one from the arm. She lost her job in a lab in Kaiserslautern. "Lower than the hole I fell in can not be one. I got the most severe depression! "
Her current husband Michael, 34, set her up then. "Almost simultaneously with the diagnosis, we decided to marry. My husband and a therapist got me out of the depression. Slowly I realized what a precious gift life is. I am happy about every day today! And about my body, which has gone through so much. I had surgery in February - I'm sure it was the last! "
"I thought it was love, said yes - and landed in hell!"
Julia (23), TV producer
The year 2009 was really a year for Julia, independent TV producer from Leipzig: "I got a proposal for marriage on New Year's Eve, married June 26, 2009 - and realized shortly afterwards that it was an extremely stupid idea." Since the beginning January she is separated again.
Julia still does not know what drove her to marry in a relatively hurried state of affairs: "I said yes, when my pink-colored glasses were again especially misty. We had known each other for a year, and since my husband was a professional soldier, we had hardly spent time together. Gradually, I realized that he was not only a soldier on the job, but also at home. Zack, zack, march, march - he was very patronizing.
When he was there, I felt I could not breathe anymore, so poisoned was the atmosphere. I just had to get out! Still, it was terrible, because everyone warned me against the rash wedding, and I found it hard to prove them right. In addition, I felt like a failure, just 23 and already a marriage in the sand.
I was ashamed. But at the same time I knew: Now you have to show through and to everyone that you are in charge of your mistakes. For had I shown weakness, my husband would have thought that I still stood by him ... "
Already a week after the break Julia was looking for a new apartment. "It gave me tremendous power to get my life under control again: clean out, pack up - when I finished, I felt free. Now I'm using a two-month assignment from BMW in Lisbon to become the strong, independent single-jersey I used to be. You make mistakes - the important thing is that you can forgive yourself! "
"They bullied me, kidnapped me and declared me stupid!"
Sarah (25), occupational therapist
It was the education she had dreamed of, and Sarah was proud to have been trained as an occupational therapist in Leipzig - but then the bullying began: "I was the only one who 'only' had a secondary school diploma. Everyone else had Abi or even a diploma. That's why I was doused from the beginning. "
Sarah remembers this time with great anger: "Nobody wanted to do group work with me, it was laughed when I asked questions to the lecturer, and in projects that the class was planning, I was not invited. When I gave lectures, everyone talked, varnished their nails, or pretended to be asleep. "
Sarah was labeled as childish, immature, inexperienced, and incompetent-and by those fellow students who, like 12-year-olds, painted or hid Sarah's materials.
"I became more and more insecure, felt really stupid at some point, wrote only bad grades and took 13 kilos! I was so exhausted that I called the helpline! "
But one person stood by her: her roommate at the time, even an occupational therapist: "She always listened to me and advised me to do things that would give me a sense of achievement. So I signed in to a hip hop dance group, where I finally found nice people. This support gave me the strength to complete the training.
Today I am successful and treat even youthful bullying victims. I study on the side, have danced the bacon - and when I meet one of my former tormentors in the street, I think only: 'poor sausage'. "
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